you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize