I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We are two peas in an std pod
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
