I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
