i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
