One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
