We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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