Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize