there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
