I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
