Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
