he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
