I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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