ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
