It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
