i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
