Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
