my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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