dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
