Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How external is "for external use only"?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
