She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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