omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
