There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
