I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I supernannyed him into submission
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize