So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
