I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
that is very illegal...i love you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
