Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
