these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
