They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
