I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
