Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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