he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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