I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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