dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
