States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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