Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
