i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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