eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
