just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
