but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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