So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize