Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
