cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
