we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize