I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
