Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
