What did we do last night that was yellow?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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