that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So much rum. So many feels.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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