yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
