the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
