I skipped work to stalk him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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