capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
