Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
