So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That accounts for only three of the penises
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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