I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
