apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
