i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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