the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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