finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
