He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
