tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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