Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
