i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
