.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
