I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
