I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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