shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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