I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
