the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
