theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
