I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
