If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
