At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
